Holly’s Life

Triumphs and Tribulations of moi

It’s a Wonderful-ish Life

Filed under: Daily — March 4, 2012 @ 9:14 pm

Let’s start with the positive. Is it amazing that I’m growing a PERSON inside of me? Yes. The miracle is not lost on me. I know this is a privilege and life will be forever changed. I am grateful and thankful for this opportunity.

That said, I feel like if I’m pregnant through 41 (or, God, 42) weeks that I might have to be committed. I’m staring at 40 weeks + 1 day. They shouldn’t tell you you’re full-term at the end of 37 weeks because that just gives you 3-5 weeks’ worth of “anytime now!!!” feelings. Time has slowed down and my body is rebelling.

Chris has said on a number of occassions that he’s very proud of how I’ve handled pregnancy, that I’ve rolled with everything. I appreciate it, but I also know that means he expected me to be more of a hag than I have been and it’s been a nice surprise for him :) He’s been great though and I appreciate all of his loving gestures, stares, and smiles, even though I occasionally see “damn” in his eyes ;)

While I know I, by no means, would be anywhere near the top for pregnancy-related ills, these last few weeks have certainly felt like I could be. WARNING, specific, icky, “too much info” pregnancy stuff to come, feel free to stop reading.

Let’s start with hemorrhoids. They started around 25 weeks and quickly became severe enough to “choke a horse.” I had to do a 2x daily routine of all sorts of medications, OTC and prescription (not pleasant), soak in a lot of baths, and religiously carry a donut pillow with me everywhere I went - sexy. For several days the only thing I could do was lay down as anything else was too painful. Any slight movement that required the lower body would send me to tears. Do you have any idea how many daily movements require your sphincter down south? Well, more than you would ever think possible. I’m only slightly exaggerating when I say blinking is included. Slowly, the meds helped and while they never went away, the pain did, and that’s all I really cared about. Then a month later they came back, but starting the routine again quickly helped stop it before it got to be too painful. A surgeon said, after everything was calmed down, that she recommended operating should I get a severe case again. Three other doctors all had the same reaction of “Whoa! or Wow!!” when seeing them (not fun appointments), so I felt vindicated. I didn’t just have your run-of-the-mill pregnancy hemorrhoids, I had the kind that made professionals say “Wow!” to and that were deserving of SURGERY. So there. I thought they were a tradeoff for not experiencing morning sickness. I didn’t have to puke, but I had to have horrible issues in a sensitive and embarassing area.

I thought by making it to about 35 weeks without swelling meant I was spared. I was wrong. Ankles are now kankles and my feet are little balloons.

Stretch marks. A lot of them. I knew I wouldn’t be spared, but I was still surprised by the severity.
Then, a week ago, I noticed the stretch marks on my lower abdomen were itchy. I had heard of PUPPS before and knew that my sister and friends had had it, so I thought that might be it. At first, I was just fine spraying on anti-itch vitamin E oil. Eh, it’s fine, it’s just on a small area and I’m treating it “naturally” (after feeling guilt about steroidal treatments for my hemmies, no matter how much I was told it was ok). Then they spread, but just a little. Then the itching got worse and natural vitamin E oil was as helpful as Preparation H was on monster hemorrhoids (aka, not at all) and they covered my whole baby mound. I couldn’t control the itching. PUPPS likes to rest in the aforementioned stretch marks, taking already ugly red marks and making them bubbly and gross and itchy. I tried to control the scratching, but there were times I couldn’t help it and scratched until I broke blood vessels. So with a stomach full of stretch marks, PUPPS, and broken blood vessels, my belly looks something akin to this.


Que the hydrocortisone cream that is also only partially effective.

Also starting last week, the previously completely minor leg pain I would only feel sometimes decided to present itself constantly. My back had been a little sore, but now it was like my vertebrae were playing musical bones right above my butt. Staying in a certain position, sitting, standing, laying down, felt fine; it was moving between those things that was fairly impossible. I’ve had to will myself to stand and then have to stand there for several seconds, looking indecisive, trying to will myself to swing a leg forward. Every time I heard tin man sound effects in my head. Stand up *pain* move leg out *pain* set leg down *pain* move other leg forward *pain*…..repeat, repeat, repeat. I’m hobbly. A chiropractor has really helped after just two visits, which is enough to make me a believer (not that I really doubted before, but I just avoided it as a “once you start, you can’t stop and it takes all your money” type thing). And it was because of my chiropractor that I learned about a “learn your rights and options for birth” seminar put on by midwives and sponsored by all sorts of vendors like chiropractors, herbal supplement providers, baby wearing sling makers, doulas, other midwives, etc. It was great, but also a little information overload and information I wish I would have been diligent about educating myself on (midwives, doulas, and how our bodies are generally designed to handle labor and birth) months ago instead of now when I’m getting glimpses of labor just a little further up the horizon. It’s coming, right? That’s not a mirage?

Also last week, hemmies are back. Again, not as severe, but annoying and they make me paranoid they’ll turn into something more.
Have I painted a pretty picture?

My eyes are also constantly watering these days. The poor skin around my eyes is all red and dry. I have no idea how that could be related to pregnancy, but I’m still blaming pregnancy :)

So, yes, this kid can’t come soon enough. I know there will be a whole new set of body horrors to deal with from stories I’ve heard (and what can only get worse with intense pushing? Hemorrhoids.) And yes, yes, “it’s all worth it” “be proud of your mommy scars” “You forget about all the pain as soon as you see your baby” etc. etc. etc. But this is my blog, and I chose to complain, and you chose to read, so no criticizing :)

Did I really just blog about hemorrhoids? Yes, yes I did. I think I was little overly-inspired by this book (if you’ve read it, you know what I mean)